mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
