It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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