Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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