I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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