She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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