dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
