haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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