The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
