coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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