dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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