When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
