I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
