Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
