I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
