Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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