Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
