you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
