Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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