I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
