I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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