Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
