I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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