u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
