If i come over, it means nothing
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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