my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
