is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
