Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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