coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize