Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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