If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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