In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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