I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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