Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
