i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
