if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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