Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
