i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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