Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
