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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

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• (516): View more from New York

  i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.

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• (347): View more from New York

  I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.

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• (518): View more from New York

  He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?

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