Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
