Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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