it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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