What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
