Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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