You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
