I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
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After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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