Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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