I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
