man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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