it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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