it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
