dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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