I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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