He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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