So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
