dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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