Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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