You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
