I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
