Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
FUCK WHALES
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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