Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
