i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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