I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
