so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
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I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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