Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
