Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
