So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
