So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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