Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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