I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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