i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
