you would pick up someone in the library
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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