Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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