Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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